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Sea World Orlando
Worst. Park. Ever. Okay, maybe I'm overstating the negative. Then again, I feel I have to because so many people absolutely love this park. Not me. Whenever I see one of those sappy commercials come on, blaring away the infectious groove of Qkumbo Zoo's The Child Inside, I can't stand it. It's like nails on a chalkboard. Instead of The Child Inside I start singing "the heat outside" because this ambitious park is really just a beacon for pasty Northerners who don't mind subjecting their skin to sun-baked crispiness. While I live just a few hours away from this Florida institution, I have only managed three visits, spaced years apart. Amnesia is the only reason I can think of for going two times too many. See, I can't recall ever having a good time at Sea World Orlando. Beyond the shows, and the marine life park certainly knows how to put on some pretty compelling performances, I can't see what all the fuss is about. My family's last visit to Sea World was in June of 2005. Against my better judgment, we were granted free admission as part of our Discovery Cove experience and figured it would be a shame not to look a gift killer whale in the mouth. Even for free, we probably still overpaid! We arrived shortly after the park's 9am open. We had a simple plan. Our daring 11-year-old wanted Kraken and Journey to Atlantis. Our more respectful 6-year-old wanted no part of Sea World's only two thrill rides. No problem. My wife would take the young 'un to Shamu's Happy Harbor, the park's interactive playground and water play area. We would meet there later, swapping so my wife could take Kraken for a test drive. I guess that's the one good thing about this park. In the morning, Kraken and Atlantis are walk-ons as folks would much rather wait an hour to take a picture with Shamu or pay a few bucks for dead fish to feed ungrateful dolphins that may - or may not - respond. While the Atlantis line will grow long as the day, and sun, wear on, Kraken's queue is usually pretty reasonable (save for maybe Saturdays when bored locals come over). Kraken is Florida's only floorless steel coaster. Unfortunately, that effect is lost on 28 of the 32 riders as the front row is where it's truly effective (and, yes, that line will take some time). Still, it's a good ride if you enjoy the B&M looping steel beasts. Atlantis is a neat ride experience. It starts off as your standard chute the shoots boat ride before wrapping things up with an exhilarating coaster finish. The only problem is that the storyline is mostly incomprehensible. The effects are hokey. If you are going to attempt to theme a thrill ride, please, do it right. By 9:45am, my son and I make the needlessly long walk to Happy Harbor. Sea World did put a bridge on the massive lake that swallows up a good chunk of the park's real estate - only instead of going directly across it merely runs nearly parallel to the lower walkway. Happy Harbor? Not so happy. It's closed. It doesn't open until 11am. Even the Wild Arctic attraction next door doesn't open until 10am. Why would a park not open the kiddie play area until a couple of hours in the operating day? Why would they deny broiling guests a shot at the one place for everyone to cool off at the refrigerated exhibit (which, with its polar bears, beluga whales and beefy walruses is quite nice - and chilly)? Yes, there are plenty of animal exhibits along the way. Sharks. Penguins. Stingrays. Sea World does a fine job of displaying its wildlife. But you didn't pay $60 for a zoo, did you? That's why it's a shame that the park food is mediocre, if you're lucky, and navigating around the park is a chore. Oh, we had our straws confiscated at the entrance. I almost forgot about that. Most animal parks refrain from dispensing drinking straws. I get it. If you don't have the staff to keep your park clean you don't want straws to wind up down the esophagus of your prized critters. The parks have no problem selling overpriced, refillable sipping cups with attached plastic straws, but, in general, we have never been refused the right to bring our own straws. Someone that goes out of their way to supply their own straws usually does so for a reason (you know, a small child that mishandles lidless, strawless, cups). It's not malice. That's what combs and cell phones are for! Still, security snagged our two straws at the turnstiles. No overdone deed goes unpunished. By the time our 6-year-old was fed up with Happy Harbor after it finally opened, which surprisingly lasted all of 15 minutes, we bolted. Lunch in an air-conditioned eatery, far away from Sea World, was the one motivation to have us grind it out through the parking lot (okay, we were free - but our car had to pay $8 to get into the park) and speed on out of Sea World. Take the "U" out of Shamu and what have you got? That's right. Sea World Orlando is a Sham. More Theme Park Reviews Nearest Hotels to the Park:
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